Over the past 21 years that I have been a certified pastoral counselor, I’ve shared heart to heart with countless people who have been broken by life: childhood abuse, parental abandonment, emotional non-attachment, divorce, adult abuse, broken trust, etc., all of which can cause emotional problems like addictions, same sex desires, adultery, fornication – on and on it goes. The devil is delighted in emotional brokenness to try and destroy people through his schemings.
As I have had to counsel (with the help of God who is THE COUNSELOR) all of the above problems, there is a common denominator. It’s spiritual and emotional brokenness. God has ‘set eternity’ into the heart of every human. Every human has an innate hunger for God. Paul discovered the people of Athens wanted to be sure they didn’t offend the gods, so they had a banner to the ‘unknown God.’
Salvation removes all sin. God forgives sins and forgets sins. But salvation does not remove memories or emotions. So saved people who come from painful pasts need to be ‘transformed by renewing their mind.’ The emotional wounded person usually has negative self-talk that comes from the scheming of the devil. From childhood the devil places negative thoughts into the mind saying, “Because of what happened to me, I am worthless, hopeless, helpless and unlovable.” When this wounded person experiences salvation, they have a surge of joy through the power of the Holy Ghost. Then when the emotional pain comes flooding back in to their everyday life, the joy of the Lord seems to dissipate. This is the scheming of the devil!
When a wounded person marries, they expect their new spouse to become their joy. When that does not happen because the spouse is another imperfect person, it can lead to being drawn to someone else who seems to listen attentively. This can lead to emotional adultery and then physical adultery. This is the scheming of the devil!
A woman who was sexually abused in childhood can make a decision to never allow a man into her life. She is drawn to another woman for emotional bonding, trying to fill the vacuum of love and gets drawn into a same-sex relationship. Or, marries and is never able to bond with her husband. This is the scheming of the devil!
A man who never bonded emotionally with his father, who was sexually abused and exposed to pornography, now has a porn addiction and possible same-sex desires. (This can happen to a female too.) This is the scheming of the devil!
A teen girl who never received the healthy love from a father searches for love through promiscuity and then becomes pregnant or gets a sexually transmitted disease from a teen boy who tries to fill his aching heart with multiple sex partners. This is the scheming of the devil!
God made us for relationships to be connected to others. The root of adultery, fornication, homosexuality tendencies, porn addictions, or any other sin, etc., happens because of spiritual and emotional emptiness. The devil uses the ‘emptiness’ as a ‘bate’ for sexual addictions and/or becoming sexual with another human being for a temporary ‘fix’ to emotional pain that only God can heal by HIS truth. This emptiness, because of protective emotional walls, is the scheming of the devil!
What is the answer? First, the need for a life changing salvation of repentance, water baptism in Jesus name and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost according to Acts. Second, teaching to know how to build an intimate relationship with God through constant prayer and His Word daily. Our life must become a prayer. Disciplining self to become God-conscious in thinking – filtering every action through God and His truth. I call this being Holy Ghost controlled.
God wants to re-parent the adult ‘hurting child.’ God’s love is constant – it never fails. Because of the emotional pain in life, some people cope by becoming defensively detached. If a parent was emotionally absent, etc., the child learns to detach emotionally from that parent to minimize the emotional pain of not ‘measuring up.’ It’s a coping mechanism to try and protect self from the pain of the ‘absent/hurting’ parent. This can cause a major distorted God-concept for the hurting adult. This transference of emotional pain makes it very difficult to identify with God as our heavenly Father. The emotional detachment infiltrates relationships with God and others. It takes time to allow God to re-parent the hurting heart. Through the reparenting process by God, the hurting heart is healed through a process of understanding God created you to be His special treasure as the man or woman He created in the womb.
God is not like a human parent that may fail emotionally/relationally. God’s love is unconditionally and never fails. God’s truth transforms thoughts and emotions. When we take our thoughts to God first, then our feelings and actions will be Holy Ghost controlled. When we make choices in life that are pleasing to God, it becomes ‘second nature’. We must learn to follow the Spirit instead of our selfish flesh. Loving God is a choice. Pleasing God in all we do is a choice. Glorifying God in our body is a choice (1 Cor. 6). We need transformation of our minds (heart) through the Word of God.
Romans 12:1-2
Amplified Bible (AMP)
12 “I appeal to you therefore, brethren, and beg of you in view of [all] the mercies of God, to make a decisive dedication of your bodies [presenting all your members and faculties] as a living sacrifice, holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God, which is your reasonable (rational, intelligent) service and spiritual worship.
2 Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you].”
We must ‘die daily’ to our fleshly desires. If we obey the Word, we will not satisfy our flesh above obeying God. If we do satisfy our flesh, our flesh becomes our god. According to 1 Corinthians 6, when we sexually sin we are sinning against our own body. God gave the gift of sex to husband and wife who are married and become one in the flesh before God in body, soul and spirit. When sex is experienced outside of marriage in any form, there is a splintering of body, soul and spirit. Through sexual sins, the devil puts a deep foothold in the soul of a person. This is the scheming of the devil!
Once adultery is committed, the percentage is high that it will happen again. When someone is promiscuous, they usually go from partner to partner. Each time they become more fragmented and torn apart in their heart. When a person has a sexual addiction and has sex with self, they are feeding the chemical addiction they have created in their brain through this selfish indulgence of sin. If married, they are defrauding their marriage partner.
To become an over comer, there must be genuine repentance. Godly sorrow worketh repentance. There must be a deep desire to change and do the ‘work’ of being transformed by renewing the mind with the knowledge that God is a loving, caring Father – He is never absent! God forgives sin through repentance. The devil schemes to plague the hurting with non-forgiveness of self and others. Forgiveness is a gift to self to go forward in spiritual and emotional healing as God is re-parenting the wounded heart.
The principles of the Word of God apply to all sin. We must apply the scripture to our daily lives. God’s word says we are to ‘strip off and throw aside every encumbrance and sin which so readily clings to entangle us’ (read below).
God gives us choice even after salvation to do the right thing:
2 Corinthians 7:1
Amplified Bible (AMP)
7 “Therefore, since these [great] promises are ours, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from everything that contaminates and defiles body and spirit, and bring [our] consecration to completeness in the [reverential] fear of God.” (The challenge is to ‘cleanse ourselves’).
Hebrews 12:1-2
Amplified Bible (AMP)
12 “Therefore then, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses [who have borne testimony to the Truth], let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us,
2 Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”
Our worth and value comes from God as our Creator and our Savior. When we repent, God fully forgives, fully accepts and fully loves us. God loved us so much that He came in flesh (God manifest in the flesh) to die on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins. His love is unconditional. His love is not based on our performance to make Him happy. He loved us before we were lovable. His love flows to us no matter how we were sinned against or what we did ourselves.
We are His special treasure. We are His royal priesthood and holy nation. His blood cleansed us and we are now new creations in Him – unused, without fault, brand new. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Roms. 8:1). We must change the old negative thoughts planted by the devil with God’s truth. It is Spiritual warfare. We must put on the whole armor of God (Ephs. 6).
The devil is scheming daily trying to kill, steal and destroy each of us. But when we know (a process of attainment – taking personal ownership) the truth, the truth shall make us free. God’s love, His Word and the Holy Ghost will enable us to be strong in the Lord. We must love God more than we love our flesh! Greater is HE that is within us than he that is in the world!
© Carol Clemans – November 2013
www.carolclemans.org – Providing nationwide phone counseling (636) 448-0121. Anointing teaching of God’s Word for churches/conferences. Teaching CD’s & DVD’s plus book: “God’s Design for Marriage.” Em: carol@carolclemans.org. Pastor – Bishop Jerry Dillon, Madison, MS.