BE YE ANGRY, BUT SIN NOT!
The root cause of verbal and emotional abuse is unresolved heart and anger in the heart of the perpetrator. Hurting people hurt people.
What comes out of the mouth reveals what is in the heart. When a person is continuously angry, controlling, and selfish toward others, it reveals a painful hurting heart.
The angry person always blames the anger on others. The blame game started in the Garden of Eden when Adam blamed God for giving him a wife. Eve blamed her disobedience on the devil. God’s truth is that no one can make us angry. We CHOOSE to become angry. Our thoughts produce our feelings and we act on those feelings by our own choice.
Anger is a God-given emotion, but He says, “Be ye angry, but sin not.” ( Ephs. 4). Anger can be used for good such as creating MADD- Mothers’ Against Drunk Drivers. I teach/counsel anger management for individuals and families in learning healthy communication skills.
We sin with anger when we lash out with angry words and attitudes. The works of the flesh including outburst of anger/wrath (Gals. 5) are sins and God’s Word says no one with these sins will enter into the Kingdom of God.
Through my 25 years of counseling (read ‘about ministry’ page of www.carolclemans.org), the majority of people with anger issues are husbands/fathers/some ministry leaders and bosses. Some women can be emotional abusers with anger, but usually women and children are the victims of abuse.
Angry people become falsely empowered through intimidating their wives, children, church members or employees with their angry words, attitudes. and controlling spirits. They demand respect through intimidation and misusing scriptures like, “Obey those that have the rule over you.” (We only obey those leaders who are God-like – Paul said, “Follow me as I follow Christ”).
When we study Gals 5. – the works of the flesh – we learn uncontrolled anger is sinning against God. When we further study Gals.5 – the Fruit of the Spirit – God’s truth is that abusive anger is not part of a godly man or woman. Godly people are patient, kind, good, faithful, meek – having your strength under God’s control and have self-control. Godly people create an atmosphere of love, joy and peace!
How do we solve this problem? First, the angry person must be confronted with God’s truth. The person with the heart full of hurt/pain that is the root of the abusive anger must wake up spiritually and allow God to do ‘exploratory’ spiritual surgery. He/she must pray PSM 139: 24-25 – “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts; And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Secondly, the recipients of the above type abuse need godly counseling in healing from this verbal and emotional abuse. None of us should ever live in fear of another human being, especially a husband, father, pastor, boss, who claim to be a Christian. All Spirit-filled believers are to be Holy Ghost controlled in all circumstances.
The victims need help in rewiring their heart/brain to understand that another human being has no right to be demanding and controlling through verbal and emotional abuse. The victims can become victors. Parents do not have the right to verbally or emotionally abuse. Children are to be raised in a home where they learn how to be Christ-like by observing the genuine lives of their parents.
The victors must take their ’emotional power’ back from the person who is the abuser. Why live in fear? Will the abuser physically harm you or kill you? Usually, the answer is, “No.” Then what is there to fear?
We all are accountable to God. We are to love one another. We are to be kind one to another (Ephs. 4). If we are going to be holy as God is holy, there is no room for abusive words, attitudes, and selfish anger. All abusers are in trouble with God!
I counsel the recipients of this type of abuse to speak God’s truth in love to the abuser with a soft spirit and attitude. When the angry person is blowing up, just say softly, “I’m sorry, I will not stay in this room because of your abusive anger.” Then get up and walk away. Or, “Please be respectful. We can talk later when you calm down.” This is one adult to another. The victor does no longer remain a victim of the angry abuse. Choose to take back your emotional power. Do not allow the angry person to control you emotionally. A godly leader at home, church, or work shows a humble spirit and attitude. They will speak the truth and do it in love. They will be concerned about the thoughts and feelings of others – study I Cor. 13, the ‘love’ chapter.
The angry person loses the emotional hold on others when others refuse to be controlled by angry words and attitudes. God never approves of anyone being verbally or emotionally abusive and controlling to others. (Study the attributes of godly leaders from scripture – authority/headship is no excuse for abusive, controlling, selfish behavior). Every person is created by God with great value in His sight. Every person has a right to have a voice and not to be intimidated by angry words and attitudes.
God came to earth with an attitude of a servant leader. He humbled Himself to death on the cross because He loved us from the foundation of the world. God demands we love one another with His love. There is no arrogance, selfishness, angry abusiveness in God no matter who we are or what position that we hold.
If we confess our sins, humble self before God, He is willing, faithful and just to forgive us. We must turn to Him for our inner healing that causes the angry abusive words and attitudes. We must seek and choose healing through God’s truth.
I’ve been counseling the issue of anger management through the Word of God for 25 years. We all must humble self before God and learn through God’s Word how to be a godly man or woman. To be respected, we must be respectful. To be honored, we must honor others. If we want to be loved, we must be loving toward others. We do reap what we sow. Every person has a right to be heard (even children) in a respectful manner. Our final accountability is to God! The Lord is coming for a church that has a pure heart before Him! Let us surrender our all unto the Lord!
www.carolclemans.org – Certified Pastoral Counselor – Bible teacher for churches/conferences and Certified Christian Life Coach. Counseling nationwide by phone/Skype (636) 448-0121. Teaching CD’s, DVD’s, book: God’s Design for Marriage. Ministry ref: Pastor Daniel Batchelor, Dupo, IL.
NOTE: My ministry of teaching, counseling, and writing comes from a lifetime of studying and teaching the Word of God, being Spirit-filled for almost 62 years, education, 46 years of marriage to an ordained minister, parenting two children who love God and a MieMie of three grands. I am accountable to God for all I teach, counsel, and write. I will speak God’s truth and do it in love because I will answer to God for how I minister to others.