Attention! Wives of porn-addicted husbands!

Every porn-addicted husband is impacting his wife and children with his adulterous sin. The fallout of porn addiction is extremely destructive to a marriage relationship and the parenting influence. In my experience of counseling porn addicted husbands for 25 years, the wife is extremely emotionally wounded. The children witness the dysfunctional marriage. When the husband/father is supposed to be a Christian, it gives a double-bind message of hypocrisy.

Many times the addicted husband will blame his wife for his porn addiction. Since most people lack true knowledge about the damage that porn addiction does to the physical brain, the wife feels guilty. This is a false guilt. Porn addiction causes brain damage. Porn addiction is the most addictive activity above alcohol or any drugs that are available on the streets or prescriptions. To learn more about these truths, go to www.fightthenewdrug.org – read the articles.

The majority of husbands I counsel in porn addiction were sexually abused as a child and then porn was introduced. The average age now of porn exposure to boys is between the ages of 8 – 11 years.

The husband that has been viewing porn for many years has brain damage that controls him because it is a self-induced chemical addiction through continuous sex with self. This causes an overload in the brain of dopamine that shuts down the receptors in the brain. Porn addiction causes the male brain to look at females as objects.

Satan knows the power of porn addiction. Men objectify females – only for sexual pleasure. This is a lie from the devil. There is no way a wife can compete with the extremely edited porn pictures or movies. The ‘believer’ addicted man forgets that all females are created in the image of God for His glory, not for sexual exotic pleasure!

Wife, if you are a ‘Mrs. America’ and provide sex every day for one hour to your husband – it would not stop the porn addiction. Porn addiction creates a greater physical ‘high’ sexually than the normal God-given gift of sex to husbands and wives. This is not only medical knowledge from the experts, this is told to me by the porn-addicted husbands.

Wife, do not allow your husband to blame you. He is responsible to God for his own actions. Porn addiction is a strong bondage to body, soul, mind, and spirit. It is the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life that destroys a soul. Jesus says looking and lusting in the heart is committing adultery in His eyes.

Out of control anger is a product of porn addiction. The man that is addicted knows he is sinning. Yet, he does not want to be honest with self or wife/family. He will make excuses for his porn addiction.

      Until the porn-addicted husband is ready to be honest with God, there is no hope for healing. There must be heartfelt repentance – ‘Godly sorrow worketh repentance.’ 2 Corinthians 7:10Amplified Bible (AMP)

10 “For [godly] sorrow that is in accord with the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation; but worldly sorrow [the hopeless sorrow of those who do not believe] produces death.”

The ungodly addicted husband will tell his wife, “You are so heavenly minded, you are no earthly good.” He can be verbally abusive. When sex is attempted, the ungodly addicted husband will demand certain acts of sex like he has viewed in the porn to selfishly satisfy him that makes his wife feel like a porn performer. This is a sin against the gift of sex that God gave to marriage.

No wife should be forced to perform sex acts that she does not feel totally comfortable doing. Demanding certain sex acts is sexual abuse. Ephesians 5 tells the husband to love his wife as Christ loved His Bride and gave Himself for her. The godly husband is to have the character of God – Galatians 5 – Fruit of the Spirit – love, joy, peace and be patient, kind, good, faithful, meek and have self-control.

When a wife is genuinely loved by a godly husband who is loving, gentle, kind and caring in daily life, she is more than willing to open her body, heart, and soul to her husband. The gift of sex from God to marriage is a bonding of heart, soul, mind, and body. There is a deeper ‘oneness’ in the act of marriage than physical bonding. God intended for husband and wife to bond on a spiritual level also. (Read Intended for Pleasure by Dr. Ed Wheat).

Submitting to an abusive selfish husband is not biblical. Submission is based on the fact that the husband loves as Christ loves. Christ is gentle, caring and kind toward His Bride. He died on a cross to provide her the gift of salvation. Christ admonishes His Bride gently through His Word. God’s love does not demand its own way – 1 Corinthians 13 – read the love verses and insert your name – it is the character of God because God is Love!

A porn addicted husband is sinning against God when he demands submission and respect from his wife. Respect is earned. God made females as responders. When a wife is abused verbally, emotionally or physically, her instinct is to flee. She will close down her body, soul, mind, and spirit to an abusive husband.

When a wife is loved as Christ loved His Bride with gentleness and kindness at all times, she is more than willing to open herself physically, emotionally and spiritually to her God-centered loving husband. God through scripture compares the relationship with His Bride as the example for an earthly marriage in the Lord. Both husband and wife are to allow the Fruit of the Spirit to control their actions that create love, joy, and peace in the marriage and family. (Submitting one to another in the fear of the Lord – Ephesians 5:21).

Wife, pray for your husband. Do not succumb to his abuse. Encourage him to seek to counsel. When a porn-addicted husband is willing to totally submit to God and do the work of rewiring his brain through the power of God’s Spirit and Word, he can be transformed – Romans 12: 1 & 2.

© Carol Clemans – January 2018, Bible teacher 50 years, Certified Pastoral Counselor 25 years, Certified Sexual Addiction Recovery Facilitator – etc. Read detail bio @ www.carolclemans.org – counseling on ‘about ministry’ page – 450+ articles. Teaching CD’s & DVD’s, book: GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE

Watch 100+ video teachings on Carol Clemans YouTube channel.

SPECIAL NOTE: In the fall of 2017 I, through Life Enrichment Ministries, Inc. (501c3), invited four ministers to join me in a project on Porn Addiction: Facts, Causes, Damages, Recovery Steps, recording 4 + hours of informative discussion. This project is being edited and will be available early this year. Watch for announcements!

 

 

 

 

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About Me

Carol Clemans is a Certified Pastoral Counselor (27 years), Bible conference speaker, Christian Life Coach and author. She provides counseling nationwide by phone/web cam. The mission for Carol’s teaching, counseling and writing is to help others grow and heal spiritually, emotionally and relationally.

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